Friday Confessional

I confess..

..I have an apartment that I use as a storage space.

In my defense, it's rent-free. That said, it still seems ridiculous even to me.

..I don't spend enough time with my mother.

We don't have the mother-daughter bond that most do. Sometimes I feel guilty, but I try to remind myself that it's not entirely my fault. I'll probably explain this in a later post.

..I'm twenty-one & scared of the dark.

Not so much the dark; but the scary un-see-able things in it.

..I miss having a job.

Most of all I miss the paycheck. Unemployment isn't horrible & I am thankful that it's available, but living off $109 a week isn't easy. I won't lie and say I haven't enjoyed this time I've had to sit back & go to the mailbox to get my cash, but that's just not me. I'm way too independent for this & I miss my fast paced life. So, I have come up with the solution that I should get an internship! I need some experience in the big girl world of business.

..I refuse to accept that one day my 
mamaw won't be here.

I hate to even talk about this, really I do. But, it's true; and maybe confessing will help me deal. This woman has practically raised me. She is my rock. I couldn't tell you how old she is; because I refuse to think about it. When I was little, merely the thought of losing her would send me into tears. This is something about me that hasn't changed, so it's time to move on.

..I miss going to church.

I didn't grow up with parents that made me go to church every Sunday. For awhile after my parent's divorce; my dad got really into church. But sadly; his alcohol addiction overcame him and our church days became a thing of the past. I would still attend church with one of my aunts, by choice. This continued until high school, when I took a wrong turn and ended up in a bad place. It took me five years to get that far from God; yet only one church service to get me closer than I'd ever been. My aunt ask me to attend a Revival with her at her church. The preacher of the night was one I had always loved; and who had tugged at my heart years before. My aunt later told me somehow she just knew that it was my time to get back with God, and she couldn't have been more right. I was baptized when I was eighteen. I don't believe that my relationship with God has changed since I have foregone church; honestly I just miss the feeling I get from going. I have always enjoyed attending church; which is why I'm unsure of why I have slacked off in my attendance. I plan to change this in the very near future. Like, the day after tomorrow. Brittany, I will be seeing you Sunday!


You know, I think this is going to become a weekly habit. I feel so relieved.